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Showing posts from January, 2010

after 50 years

An older couple was lying in bed one night. The husband was falling a sleep, but the wife felt romantic and wanted to talk. She said, "You use to hold my hand when we were courting." Wearily he reached across, held her hand for a second, and tried to get back to sleep. A few moments later she said, "Then you used to kiss me." Mildly irritated, he reached across, gave her a peck on the cheek and settled down to sleep. Thirty seconds later she said. "Then you use to bite my neck. "Angrily, he threw back the bed clothes and got out of bed. "Where are you going ?" she asked. "To get my teeth!"

CYCLONE

A cyclone hit a Kansas farmhouse just before dawn one morning. It tore off the roof, and picked up the beds on which the farmer and his wife slept were sleeping. By some miracle, the cyclone set them down unharmed the next county over. The wife was sobbing uncontrollably. "Don't be scared, Mary," her husband said.
"We're not hurt." Mary continued to cry. "I'm not scared," She said between sobs. "I'm happy... This is the first time in 14 years we've been out together." ****

The Master

When one Guru was dying, one of his deciple asked him "Guruji, who was your master?"He said, "I had thousands of masters. If I just relate their names it will take months, years and it is too late. But three masters I will certainly tell you about. One was a thief. Once I got lost in the desert, and when I reached a village it was very late, everything was closed. But at last I found one man who was trying to make a hole in t he wall of a house. I asked him where I could stay and he said 'At this time of night it will be difficult, but you can say with me - if you can stay with a thief'.And the man was so beautiful. I stayed for one month! And each night he would say to me, 'Now I am going to my work. You rest, you pray.' When he came back I would ask 'Could you get anything?' He would say, 'Not tonight. But tomorrow I will try again, God willing.' He was never in a state of hopelessness, he was always happy. When I was meditating and med…

It's Appraisal Time !

On a dark and foggy night, a small figure lay huddled on the railway tracks leading to the station. At once I was held back to see someone in that position during midnight with no one around. With curiosity taking the front seat, I went near the body and tried to investigate it. There was blood all over the body which was lying face down. It seemed that a ruthless blow by the last train could have caused the end of this body which seemed to be that of a guy of around my age. Amidst the gory blood flow, I could see a folded white envelope which was fluttering in the midnight wind. Carefully I took the blood stained envelope and was surprised to see the phrase "appraisal letter" on it. With curiosity rising every moment, I wasted no time in opening the envelope to see if I can find some details about the dead guy. The tag around the body's neck and the jazzy appraisal cover gave me the hint that he might be a software engineer. I opened the envelope to find a shining paper…

birthday gift

The wife was very unhappy with her car and complained a lot to her husband: Knowing her birthday was coming up shortly, she said to her husband... 'Buy me a surprise for my birthday!' she said. 'Something that accelerates from 0 to 100 in 4 seconds! And I would prefer a blue one!' Happy and excited she was counting down the days to her birthday. And on the day she finally she got the beautiful present her husband thoughtfully bought.... .
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. The poor guy is dead today, and his wife's in jail for murder ! *********

Aaoo ke Bataye hum tum ko

Aaoo ke Bataye hum tum ko kya cheez mohabbat hotee hai Insaan Kay diL par insaan kee Pakeezaa hukumat hoti hai Kuch husn maIn jiddat hoti hai kuch 'iShQ' main chahat hoti hai Kuch ankhain ishara karti hain bas Yoon hI mohabbat hoti hai ********

Sardar on the plane

Santa Singh gets an opportunity to fly to a nearby country. He has never been on an airplane anywhere and gets excited and tense. As soon as he boards the plane, a Boeing 747, he started jumping in excitement, running from seat to seat and shouting, 'BOEING!BOEING! ! BOEING!!! BO....'. The pilot in the cockpit hears the noise and annoyed by what's goings on, he comes out and shouts, 'BE SILENT!' There's pin-drop silence every where and everybody looks Santa. He stares at the pilot in silence for a few seconds and then starts shouting, 'OEING ! OEING!! OEING!!!OE.. .'.

Thought Provoking

One day all the employees reached the office and they saw a big advice on the door on which it was written: “Yesterday the person who has been hindering your growth in this company passed away. We invite you to join the funeral in the room that has been prepared the gym”. In the beginning, they all got sad for the death of one of their colleagues, but after a while they started getting curious to know who was hindered the growth of his colleagues and the company itself. The excitement in the gym was such that security agents were ordered to control the crowd within the room. The more people reached the coffin, the more excitement heated up. Everyone thought: “Who is this guy who was hindering my progress ? Well, at least he died !”. One by one the thrilled employees got closer to the coffin, and when they looked inside it they suddenly became speechless. They stood nearby the coffin, shocked and in silence, as if someone had touched the deepest part of their soul. There was a mirror i…

men will try everything

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A Canadian salesman checked into a futuristic hotel in Tokyo Japan. Realising he needed a haircut before the next day's meeting he called down to the desk clerk to ask if there was a barber on the premises. 'I'm afraid not, sir,' the clerk told him apologetically, 'but down the hall from your room is a vending machine that should serve your purposes.' Skeptical but intrigued, the salesman located the machine, inserted $15.00, and stuck his head into the opening, at which time the machine started to buzz and whirl. Fifteen seconds later the salesman pulled out his head and surveyed his reflection, which reflected the best haircut of his life. Two feet away was another machine with a sign that read, 'Manicures, $20.00'. 'Why not?' thought the salesman. He paid the money, inserted his hands into the slot, and the machine started to buzz and whirl. Fifteen seconds later he pulled out his hands and they w…

Story of Two Screws

Once upon a time there were two screws fastening a vital part of a gasoline engine. One of the screws was haughty and proud of it's shining head. The second screw was quiet, intent only on doing its job to the best of its ability. One day a speck of rust appeared on the head of the second screw. Filled with vain pride of its own beauty, the first screw began to laugh at the second. "Your head is tarnished," the first said to the second. "Look at you. Your perfect luster is gone." The second screw said nothing. Instead, it concentrated on what it was doing. "How ugly you have become," the first screw chortled, "and how beautiful I have remained." Then it began to laugh so hard at the second screw that it failed to notice that it was working itself loose. Finally it dropped off the engine and plunged into a small pool of dirty oil below. With the first screw no longer holding up its end of the load, the second was faced with doing the work of …

NA JANE KIS BAAT KI HUME WO SAZA DETA HAI

I may not talk that much 2 u, But u?will find me waiting, Every minute jus 2 listen, 2 every piece of ur hrt saying! Dil mein umeedo ki shamma jala rakhi hai, Humne apni alag duniya basa rakhi hai, Is umeed ke saath ki ayega SMS aapka, Humne mobile par nazrein jama rakhi hein. NA JANE KIS BAAT KI HUME WO SAZA DETA HAI. MERI HANSTI HUI AANKHO KO RULA DETA HAI. AB MUDDAT SE KHABAR NAHI AATI UNKI. KIYA IS TARAH KOI APNO KO BHULA DETA HAI.... I used to think that dreams do not come true, But this quickly changed the moment I laid my eyes on you. Even if I had 1 wish... I wouldn't wish for u to love me, Coz I don't want your love to come from a wish... But straight from your heart.

Hunting License

A Sardar went hunting one day in Ontario and bagged three ducks. He put them in the bed of his pickup truck and was about to drive home when he was confronted by a game warden who didn't like Sardars. The game warden ordered the Sardar to show his hunting license, and the Sardar pulled out a valid Ontario hunting license. The game warden looked at the license, then reached over and picked up one of the ducks, sniffed its butt, and said, "This duck ain't from Ontario. This is a Quebec duck. You got a Quebec huntin' license, boy?" The Sardar reached into his wallet and produced a Quebec hunting license. The game warden looked at it, then reached over and grabbed the second duck, sniffed its butt, and said "This ain't no Quebec duck. This duck's from Manitoba. You got a Manitoba license?" The sardar reached into his wallet and produced a Manitoba hunting license. The warden then reached over and picked up the third duck, sniffed its butt, and said,…

Advice !

1. Don't use time or words carelessly. Neither can be retrieved. ************* 2. Don't be afraid to learn. Knowledge is weightless, a treasure you can carry easily. ************* 3. Don't run through life so fast that you forget not only where you've been, but also where you are going. ************* 4. Don't shut love out of your life by saying it's impossible to find. The quickest way to receive love is to give; the fastest way to lose love is to hold it too tightly, and the best way to keep love is to give it wings. ************* 5. Don't be afraid to encounter risk. It is by taking chances that we learn how to be brave. ************* 6. Don't be afraid to admit you are less than perfect. It is this fragile thread that binds us together. ************* 7. Don't give up when you still have something to give. Nothing is really over until the moment you stop trying. ************* 8. Don't let your life slip through your fingers by living in the p…

No Shadow 2 depress You

Only Happiness surround You! Many angels to guard You! God himself to bless You! There are my wishes 4 You! 4 Today & Tomorrow & Ever. Tumse dur rehkar tumhe miss kiya humne Tumse dur rehkar tumhe miss kiya humne, Tumhare liye “God” se wish kiya humne, Examation is garden, Success is flower, God bless you, Power to pluck this flower. Trusting God won't make the mountain smaller, But it will make climbing easier. Hope you will be able to climb, All your mountains always. Good Luck I wish a wish 4 you. It's a wish I wish 4 few. The wish I wish 4 u is that All ur wishes come true... So keep wishing as my best wishes are always with you!

Love's story

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Once upon a time, there was an island where all the feelings lived: Happiness, Sadness, Knowledge, and all of the others including Love. One day it was announced to the feelings that the island would sink, so all repaired their boats and left.
Love wanted to persevere until the last possible moment. When the island was almost sinking, Love decided to ask for help. Richness was passing by Love in a grand boat. Love said, "Richness, can you take me with you?" Richness answered, "No, I can't. There is a lot of gold and silver in my boat. There is no place here for you."
Love decided to ask Vanity who was also passing by in a beautiful vessel, "Vanity, please help me!" "I can't help you Love. You are all wet and might damage my boat." Vanity answered. Sadness was close by so Love asked for help, "Sadness, let me go with you." "Oh....Love, I am so sad that I need to be by myself!"
Happiness passed by Love too, but he …

Just You Decide

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A man feared his wife wasn't hearing as well a s she used to and he thought she might need a hearing aid. Not quite sure how to approach her, he called the family doctor to discuss the problem.
The doctor told him there is a simple test the he could perform to give the doctor a better idea about her hearing loss.
"Here's what you do," said the Doctor, "stand about 40 feet away from her, and in a normal conversational speaking tone see if she hears you. If not, go to 30 feet, then 20 feet, and so on until you get a response."
That evening, the wife is in the kitchen cooking dinner, and he was in the den. He says to himself, "I'm about 40 Feet away, let's see what happens." Then in a normal tone he asks, 'Honey, what's for dinner?"
No response. So the husband moves to closer to the kitchen, about 30 feet from his wife and repeats, "Honey, what's for dinner?" Still no response.
Next he moves into the dining ro…

Friendship Is like Standing On Wet Cement

The longer you stay, D harder it is 2 leave, & U can never go without leaving ur footprints! Glad 2 hav u as my friend! In the rhythm of life, We sometimes find ourselves out of tune, But as long as there r friends Like u to provide the melody - the music plays on. A friend is: Who lends you... Pen in School... Notes in highschool... Bike in college... Girlfriend in University... I may not be The most important person in ur LIFE... But I just hope that One day whn U hear my name U wud just SMILE & SAY "Hey that's my friend" If u drop me, I'll break; if u hold me, I'll shak If u need me, I'll hurry; if u don't call me, I'll worry If u hurt me, I'll cry, But friend, if u leave me, I'll die....

Recipe For A Student Cake

Lift two cups of Obedience, two tablespoons of Discipline and one tablespoon of Punctuality.Set aside. * Beat five eggs of Truthfulness, three cups of sweetness and one cup of Hard work. * Add a pinch of Work Experience. * Knead well with Obedience ,Discipline and Punctuality. * Put in a greased pan of Learning and bake in the oven of Education. * Remember to cover with a thick layer of Love and Care. * Decorate with prayers of Thankfulness to the Almighty. * Serve generously with a smile to the family, the country and the world. ******

Little Johnny the Smart Salesman

The kids filed back into class Monday morning. They were very excited. Their weekend assignment was to sell something, then give a talk on productive salesmanship. Little Mary led off: "I sold girl scout cookies and I made $30," she said proudly, "my sales approach was to appeal to the customer's civil spirit and I credit that approach for my obvious success." "Very good," said the teacher. Little Sally was next: "I sold magazines," she said, "I made $45 and I explained to everyone that magazines would keep them abreast of current events." "Very good, Sally," said the teacher. Eventually, it was Little Johnny's turn. The teacher held her breath. Little Johnny walked to the front of the classroom and dumped a box full of cash on the teacher's desk "$2,467," he said. "$2,467," cried the teacher, "what in the world were you selling?" "Tooth brushes," said Little Johnny. "T…

Learn to Shut up!

TWENTY DOLLARS On their wedding night, the young bride approached her new husband and asked for $20.00 for their first lovemaking encounter. In his highly aroused state, her husband readily agreed. This scenario was repeated each time they made love, for more than 30 years, with him thinking that it was a cute way for her to afford new clothes and other incidentals that she needed. Arriving home around noon one day, she was surprised to find her husband in a very drunken state. During the next few minutes, he explained that his employer was going through a process of corporate down sizing, and he had been let go. It was unlikely that, at the age of 59, he'd be able to find another job. Calmly, his wife handed him a bank book which showed more than thirty years of steady deposits and interest totalling nearly$1 million. Then she showed him certificates of deposits issued by the bank which were worth over $2 million. She explained that she had 'charged' him for sex, and thes…

Honesty

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There was a farmer who sold a pound of butter to the baker. One day the baker decided to weigh the butter to see if he was getting a pound and he found that he was not. This angered him and he took the farmer to court.
The judge asked the farmer if he was using any measure. The farmer replied, "ur Honor, I am primitive. I don't have a proper measure, but I do have a scale." The judge asked, "Then how do you weigh the butter" The farmer replied "Your Honor, long before the baker started buying butter from me, I have been buying a pound loaf of bread from him. Every day when the baker brings the bread, I put it on the scale and give him the same weight in butter. If anyone is to be blamed, it is the baker."

What is the moral of the story? We get back in life what we give to others.

Whenever you take an action, ask yourself this question - Am I giving fair value for the wages or money I hope to make ?

Honesty and dishonesty become a habit. Some peopl…

Another Example, Doc?

"Would you mind telling me, Doctor," Bob asked, "how you detect a mental deficiency in somebody who appears completely normal?" "Nothing is easier," he replied. "You ask him a simple question which everyone should answer with no trouble. If he hesitates, that puts you on the track." "What sort of question?" "Well, you might ask him, 'Captain Cook made three trips around the world and died during one of them. Which one?' Bob thought for a moment, then said with a nervous laugh, "You wouldn't happen to have another example would you? I must confess I don't know much about history." *******

The Carrot, Coffee beans & Egg

A young woman went to her mother and told her about her life and how things were so hard for her. She did not know how she was going to make it and wanted to give up. She was tired of fighting and struggling. It seemed as one problem was solved, a new one arose. Her mother took her to the kitchen. She filled three pots with water and placed each on a high fire. Soon the pots came to boil. In the first she placed carrots, in the second she placed eggs, and in the last she placed ground coffee beans. She let them sit and boil, without saying a word. In about twenty minutes she turned off the burners. She fished the carrots out and placed them in a bowl. She pulled the eggs out and placed them in a bowl. Then she ladled the coffee out and placed it in a bowl. Turning to her daughter, she asked, "Tell me what you see." "Carrots, eggs, and coffee," she replied. Her mother brought her closer and asked her to feel the carrots. She did and noted that they were soft. The mo…