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Showing posts from 2012

The Green Tea

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A woman goes to the doctor, beaten black and blue. . . . .
Doctor: "What happened?"
Woman:" Doctor, I don't know what to do Every time my husband comes home drunk he beats me to a pulp...."
Doctor:"I have a real good medicine against that: When your husband comes home drunk, just take a glass of green tea and start swirling it in your mouth. Don't drink it, just swirl it around and around".
.........2 weeks later she comes back to the doctor and looks reborn and fresh again.
Woman:" Doc, that was a brilliant idea! Every time my husband came home drunk I gargled repeatedly with green tea and he never touched me."
Doctor:" You see how keeping your mouth shut is such a good idea !!!"

What a coincidence ??

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A chicken farmer went to a local bar... Sat next to a woman and ordered a glass of champagne.

The woman perks up and says, "How about that? I just ordered a glass of champagne, too!"
"What a coincidence," the farmer says, "This is a special day for me, I'm celebrating."

"This is a special day for me too, I'm also celebrating!" says the woman.
"What a coincidence" says the man.

As they clinked glasses the farmer asked, "What are you celebrating?"
"My husband and I have been trying to have a child, and today my gynaecologist told me that I'm pregnant!"

"What a coincidence," says the man ..."I'm a chicken farmer and for years all my hens were infertile, but today they're finally laying fertilized eggs."

"That's great!" says the woman, "How did your chickens become fertile?"
"I used a different cock," he replied.

The woman smiled and…

Art of Giving

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"Rivers do not drink their own water, nor do tree eat their own fruit, nor do rain clouds eat the grains reared by them. The wealth of the noble is used solely for the benefit of others?
Even after accepting that giving is good and that one must learn to give, several questions need to be answered.
The first question is 'when should one give?'
Yudhisthir asks a beggar seeking alms to come the next day. On this, Bhim rejoices, that Yudhisthir his brother, has conquered death! For he is sure that he will be around tomorrow to give. Yudhisthir gets the message.
One does not know really whether one will be there tomorrow to give! The time to give therefore is NOW.
The next question is 'how much to give?'
One recalls the famous incident from history.
Rana Pratap was reeling after defeat from the Moghals. He had lost his army , he had lost his wealth , and most important he had lost hope, his will to fight.
At that time in his darkest hour , his erstw…

Elderly woes … [ Seniors Giving Birth ]

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With all the new technology regarding fertility recently, a 65-year-old woman was able to give birth to a baby.
When she was discharged from the hospital and went home, her relatives came to visit.
"May we see the new baby?" one asked.
"Not yet," said the mother. "I'll make coffee and we can visit for awhile first."
Thirty minutes had passed, and another
Relative asked, "May we see the new baby now?"
"No, not yet," said the mother.
After another few minutes had elapsed, they
Asked again, "May we see the baby now?"
"No, not yet," replied the mother.
Growing very impatient, they asked, "Well, when can we see the baby?"
"WHEN HE CRIES!" she told them.
"WHEN HE CRIES?" they demanded. "Why do we have to wait until he cries?"
"BECAUSE I FORGOT WHERE I PUT HIM. O.K.?????"


The Man and his Finger

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A man once went to see a doctor complaining of aches and pains all over his body.
"Doctor my whole body hurts me," he moaned. The doctor asked him to show exactly where the pain was.
The man explained, "When I touch my shoulder, it hurts. When I touch my back it hurts. When I touch my legs, they hurt."
The doctor did a thorough examination and told the man- 
"Sir, there is nothing wrong with your body. Your finger is broken. That is why it hurts wherever you touch. Get your finger plastered, rest it for a couple of weeks and all of your pains will disappear."!!


Spiritual Commentary

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In life so frequently it is our own perspective that causes us pain or pleasure.
As we go through life "feeling" the world with our fingers, if our finger is broken naturally we will experience pain everywhere. But,
we make the mistake of blaming the external world for our ailments: "My job is over-taxing, my husband is too demanding, my wife nags, my children are disobedient, my in-laws don't understand me, etc. etc."
But if you look throughout the world you will be able to find someone who has the same type of job, but is calm, or someone who has the same type of spouse but is happy, or someone who has the same type of children but is patient, or someone who has the same type of in-laws but is grateful.
What is it that allows 2 people to experience the same external situation but respond in 2 different ways?
Our own perspective.Our own perception.The key, then, is not to try to change every situation in our life, but rather to change the glasses through…

Do something nice

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Unable to attend the funeral after his father died, a son who lived far away called his brother and told him, "Do something nice for Dad and send me the bill."
Later, he got a bill for $200.00, which he paid. The next month, he got another bill for $200.00, which he also paid, figuring it was some incidental expense.
Bills for $200.00 kept arriving every month, and finally the man called his brother again to find out what was going on.
"Well," said the other brother, "you said to do something nice for Dad. So I rented him a tuxedo."


10 things you never knew about chocolate

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10. The Aztecs drunk it
Chocolate was originally a cold drink whisked from cocoa beans by the Aztecs - and women were not allowed to drink it. ***************
9. It was more valuable than gold
When Cortes conquered the Aztecs in 1520, he found that cocoa beans were prized higher than gold. ***************
8. It was named in the 17th century
The word 'chocolate' was first recorded in English use in 1604. ***************
7. It helped found the British Museum
The British Museum owes its very existence to chocolate. It was based on the personal collection of Hans Soane, who invented milk chocolate. ***************
6. Chocolate bar an English invention
The bar of chocolate was invented by JS Fry and Sons of Bristol in 1847. ***************
5. Expensive egg
Last year's most expensive chocolate egg was encrusted with more than 100 diamonds and made for La Maison du Chocolate with a £50,000 prize tag. ***************
4. Royal approval
O…

The KGB assassin

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The KGB had an opening for an assassin. After all of the background checks, interviews, and testing were done there were three finalists — two men and one woman. For the final test, the KGB agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun. “We must know that you will follow your instructions, no matter what the circumstances. Inside this room you will find your wife sitting in a chair. You have to kill her.” The first man said.“You can’t be serious. I could never shoot my wife,” The agent replies, “Then you’re not the right man for this job." The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went into the room. All was quiet for about five minutes. Then the agent came out with tears in his eyes. “I tried, but I can’t kill my wife.” The agent replies, “You don’t have what it takes. Take your wife and go home.” Finally, it was the woman’s turn. Only she was told to kill her husband. She took the gun and went into the room. Shots were heard, on…

The Power of Giving

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It was a really hot summer’s day many years ago. I was on my way to pick up two items at the grocery store. In those days, I was a frequent visitor to the supermarket because there never seemed to be enough money for a whole week’s food-shopping at once.
You see, my young wife, after a tragic battle with cancer, had died just a few months earlier. There was no insurance -- just many expenses and a mountain of bills. I held a part-time job, which barely generated enough money to feed my two young children.
Things were bad -- really bad.

And so it was that day, with a heavy heart and four dollars in my pocket, I was on my way to the supermarket to purchase a gallon of milk and a loaf of bread. The children were hungry and I had to get them something to eat. As I came to a red traffic light, I noticed on my right a young man, a young woman and a child on the grass next to the road. The blistering noonday sun beat down on them without mercy.
The man held up a cardboard sign which rea…

History Of Valentine's day

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February has long been a month of romance. It is the month associated with Valentine's Day celebrations. We have, time and again, heard the name St. Valentine being uttered before us in this season of love. But just who is this St. Valentine? Why is this month associated with love and romance? Learn about St. Valentine, how Valentines day came into practice as it is today. The origin of this lovers day goes back as early as 270 A.D and started with the clash between a kindly priest and a mighty ruler. To know more, just read on and discover the true meaning of this festival. If you like our little article about the splendid history of Valentine's Day, just click here and refer this page to your friends and loved ones. Wish you a Happy Valentine!
Every year, the fourteenth day of the month of February has millions across the world presenting their loved ones with candy, flowers, chocolates and other lovely gifts. In many countries, restaurants and eateries are seen to be fi…

Darn Kids They know everything

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Mother is driving a little girl to her friend's house for a play date.
"Mommy," the little girl asks, "how old are you?"
"Honey, you are not supposed to ask a lady her age," the mother replied.
"It's not polite."
"OK", the little girl says, "How much do you weigh?"
"Now really," the mother says,
"those are personal questions and are really none of your business."
Undaunted, the little girl asks, "Why did you and Daddy get a divorce?"
"That is enough questions, young lady, honestly!"
The exasperated mother walks away as the two friends begin to play.
"My Mom won't tell me anything about her," the little girl says to her friend.
"Well," says the friend, "all you need to do is look at her drivers license. It is like a report card, it has everything on it."
Later that night the little girl says to her mother,
"I know how old you a…

It's Called Mindset

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As I was passing the elephants, I suddenly stopped, confused by the fact that these huge creatures were being held by only a small rope tied to their front leg.
No chains, no cages. It was obvious that the elephants could, at anytime, break away from the ropes they were tied to but for some reason, they did not.I saw a trainer near by and asked why these beautiful, magnificent animals just stood there and made no attempt to get away.
"Well," he said, "when they are very young and much smaller we use the same size rope to tie them and, at that age, it's enough to hold them. As they grow up, they are conditioned to believe they cannot break away. They believe the rope can still hold them, so they never try to break free.
"I was amazed. These animals could at any time break free from their bonds but because they believed they couldn't, they were stuck right where they were.Like the elephants,
**********
How many of us go through life hanging onto a belie…

It could have been worse

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Three friends had a good friend named Joe and he was, naturally, an eternal optimist. At every bad situation he would always say ''It could have been worse.''
His friends hated that quality about him, so they came up with a story so horrible that not even Joe could come up with a bright side.
So the next day, only two of his friends showed up for a golf date. 
Joe asked, ''Where's Gary?''
And one of his friends said, ''Didn't you hear? Yesterday, Gary found his wife in bed with another man, shot them both, and then turned the gun on himself.''
Joe says,''Well it could have been worse.''
Both his friends said, ''How in hell could it be worse? Your best friend just killed himself!''
Joe says, ''If it had happened two days ago, I'd be dead now!''


Alphabets of Happiness

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A--Accept
Accept others for who they are and for the choices they've made even if you have difficulty understanding their beliefs, motives, or actions.
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B--Break Away
Break away from everything that stands in the way of what you hope to accomplish with your life.
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C--Create
Create a family of friends whom you can share your hopes, dreams, sorrows, and happiness with.
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D--Decide
Decide that you'll be successful and happy come what may, and good things will find you. The roadblocks are only minor obstacles along the way.
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E--Explore
Explore and experiment. The world has much to offer, and you have much to give. And every time you try something new, you'll learn more about yourself.
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F--Forgive
Forgive and forget. Grudges only weigh you down and inspire unhappiness and grief. Soar above it, and remember that everyone makes mistakes.
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G--Grow
Leave the childhood monsters behind. They can no longer hurt you or stand in you…

HELL - Cooling down or heating up?

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The following is an actual question given on a University of Washington engineering mid-term. The answer was so "profound" that the Professor shared it with colleagues, and the sharing obviously hasn't ceased...
Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or Endothermic (absorbs heat)?
Most of the students wrote Proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law, (gas cools off when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant. One student, however, wrote the following:
"First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate that souls are moving into Hell and the rate they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let us look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Some of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell…

The Necklace

The cheerful little girl with bouncy golden curls was almost five. Waiting with her mother at the checkout stand, she saw them, a circle of glistening white pearls in a pink foil box. "Oh mommy please, Mommy. Can I have them? Please, Mommy, please?" Quickly the mother checked the back of the little foil box and then looked back into the pleading blue eyes of her little girl's upturned face. "A dollar ninety-five. That's almost $2.00. If you really want them, I'll think of some extra chores for you and in no time you can save enough money to buy them for yourself. Your birthday's only a week away and you might get another crisp dollar bill from Grandma." As soon as Jenny got home, she emptied her penny bank and counted out 17 pennies. After dinner, she did more than her share of chores and she went to the neighbour and asked Mrs. McJames if she could pick dandelions for ten cents. On her birthday, Grandma did give her another new dollar bill and at l…

"Don't" - My Friend

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Don't undermine your worth by comparing yourself with others, It is because we are different that each of us is special.

Don't set your goals by what other people deem important, Only you know what is best for you.
Don't take for granted the things closest to your heart Cling to that as you would your life, for without them life is meaningless.

Don't let your life slip through your fingers by living in the past or the future. By living your life one day at a time, you live all the days of your life.

Don't give up when you still have something to give. Nothing is really over … until the moment you stop trying.

Don't be afraid to admit that you are less than perfect, It is the fragile thread that binds us to each other.

Don't be afraid to encounter risks, It is by taking chances that we learn how to be brave.
Don't shut love out of your life by saying it's impossible to find.

The quickest way to receive love is to give love. The fastest way to lose lov…

How to Break a BIOS Password ?

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Methods of breaking password for Desktop PC and for laptop is quite different. We would explain each.

Break BIOS Password for Desktop :
If it's a desktop PC, erasing the cmos memory will usually clear it.

Steps:
Power off the computer and make sure that it is unplugged. Open up your computer case. You need physical access to the motherboard to complete this procedure. Find a circular, (mostly) silver metallic object on the motherboard. This is the CMOS battery. CAREFULLY remove the CMOS battery and leave it out for about 120- 180 seconds. This will flush the CMOS memory which stores the BIOS password and all other configuration. (See Warnings) Set the battery back into place and power on the computer. The computer should then warn you that the CMOS configuration could not be found. You can either reconfigure it yourself or restore defaults. Restoring the default configuration should be fine. You will notice that the BIOS password has been cleared and you can boot without it.…

Mamas Bible

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Four brothers left home for college, and they became successful doctors and lawyers and prospered.

Some years later, they chatted after having dinner together. They discussed the gifts they were able to give their elderly mother who lived far away in another city.

The first said, "I had a big house built for Mama."
The second said, " I had a hundred thousand dollar theatre built in the house."

The third said, "I had my Mercedes dealer deliver an SL600 to her."
The fourth said, "You know how Mamma loved reading the Bible and you know she can't read anymore because she can't see very well. I met this preacher who told me about a parrot that can recite the entire Bible. It took twenty preachers 12 years to teach him. I had to pledge to contribute $100,000 a year for twenty years to the church, but it was worth it. Mamma just has to name the chapter and verse and the parrot will recite it." 
The other brothers were impressed.
After…

Love and Marriage explained beautifully

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A student asks a teacher, "What is love?"The teacher said, "in order to answer your question, go to the wheat field and choose the biggest wheat and come back.

But the rule is: you can go through them only once and cannot turn back o pick."

The student went to the field, go thru first row, he saw one big wheat, but he wonders....may be there is a bigger one later.

Then he saw another bigger one... But may be there is an even bigger one waiting for him.

Later, when he finished more than half of the wheat field, he start to realize that the wheat is not as big as the previous one he saw, he know he has missed the biggest one, and he regretted.
So, he ended up went back to the teacher with empty hand.

The teacher told him, "...this is love... You keep looking for a better one, but when later you realize, you have already miss the person...."

*"What is marriage then?" the student asked.

The teacher said, "in order to answer your question, go to t…

Woman over 40

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In case you missed it on 60 Minutes, this is what Andy Rooney  thinks about women over 40:
As I grow in age, I value women over 40 most of all.
Here are just a few reasons why:

A woman over 40 will never wake you in the middle of the night and ask, 'What are you thinking?' She doesn't care what you think.

If a woman over 40 doesn't want to watch the game, she doesn't sit around whining about it.  She does something she wants to do,  and it's usually more interesting.

Women over 40 are dignified. They seldom have a screaming match with you at the opera or in the middle of an expensive restaurant. Of course, if you deserve it, they won't hesitate to shoot you if they think they can get away with it.

Older women are generous with praise, often undeserved. They know what it's like to be unappreciated.

Women get psychic as they age. You never have to confess your sins to a woman over 40. Once you get past a wrinkle or two, a woman over 40 is far sexi…

a Guy who got into Google

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God has always been planning things for me'



Naga Naresh Karutura has just passed out of IIT Madras in Computer Science and has joined Google in Bangalore.
You may ask, what's so special about this 21-year-old when there are hundreds of students passing out from various IITs and joining big companies like Google?
Naresh is special. His parents are illiterate. He has no legs and moves around in his powered wheel chair. (In fact, when I could not locate his lab, he told me over the mobile phone, 'I will come and pick you up'. And in no time, he was there to guide me)
Ever smiling, optimistic and full of spirit; that is Naresh. He says, "God has always been planning things for me. That is why I feel I am lucky."
Read why Naresh feels he is lucky. 
Childhood in a village
I spent the first seven years of my life in Teeparru, a small village in Andhra Pradesh, on the banks of the river Godavari. My father Prasad was a lorry driver and my mother Kumari, a hou…

Change our vision

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There was a millionaire who was bothered by severe eye pain. He consulted so many physicians  and  was  getting  his  treatment done. He did not stop consulting galaxy of medical experts; he consumed heavy loads of drugs and underwent hundreds of injections. 





But the ache persisted with great vigour than before. At last a monk who has supposed to  be  an  expert  in treating  such patients was called for by the millionaire. The monk  understood  his  problem  and said that for sometime he should concentrate only on green colours  and  not  to fall his eyes on any other colours.

The millionaire got together a group  of  painters  and purchased barrels of green colour and directed that every object his eye was likely   to   fall   to   be   painted   in   green   colour   just   as  the  monk  had directed.                                                                               

When   the   monk  came  to  visit  him  after  few  days,  the  millionaire's  servants ran wit…

Increase Your General Knowledge

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Questions:

What programming language is GOOGLE developed in?What is the expansion of YAHOO?What is the expansion of ADIDAS?Expansion of Star as in Star TV Network?What is expansion of "ICICI?"What does "baker's dozen" signify?The 1984-85 season. 2nd ODI between India and Pakistan at Sialkot - India 210/3 with Vengsarkar 94*. Match abandoned. Why?Who is the only man to have written the National Anthems for two different countries?From what four word expression does the word `goodbye` derive?How was Agnes Gonxha Bojaxhiu better known?Name the only other country to have got independence on Aug 15th?Why was James Bond Associated with the Number 007?Who faced the first ball in the first ever One day match?Which cricketer played for South Africa before it was banned from international cricket and later represented Zimbabwe ?The faces of which four Presidents are carved at Mt.Rushmore?Which is the only country that is surrounded from all sides by only one country (oth…

A Fascinating Story

A lady in a faded gingham dress and her husband,dressed in a homespun threadbare suit, stepped off the train in Boston, and walked timidly without an appointment into the president of Harvard's outer office. The secretary could tell in a moment that such backwoods, country hicks had no business at Harvard and probably didn't even deserve to be in Cambridge. She frowned. "We want to see the president," the man said softly. "He'll be busy all day," the secretary snapped. "We'll wait," the lady replied. For hours, the secretary ignored them, hoping that the couple would finally become discouraged and go away. They didn't. And the secretary grew frustrated and finally decided to disturb the president, even though it was a chore she always regretted to do. "Maybe if they just see you for a few minutes, they'll leave," she told him. And he sighed in exasperation and nodded. Someone of his importance obviously didn't have th…

Cracked Pot

An elderly Chinese woman had two large pots, each hung on the ends of a Pole Which she carried across her neck.One of the pots had a crack in it while the other pot was perfect and Always Delivered a full portion of water.At the end of the long walks from the stream to the house, the cracked pot Arrived only half full. For a full two years this went on daily, with the woman bringing home only One and a half pots of water. Of course, the perfect pot was proud of its accomplishments. But the poor cracked pot was ashamed of its own imperfection, and miserable That it could only do half of what it had been made to do. After two years of what it perceived to be bitter failure, it spoke to the Woman one day by the stream. "I am ashamed of myself, because this crack in my side causes water to leak Out all the way back to your house." The old woman smiled, "Did you notice that there are flowers on your side Of The path, but not on the other pot's side?" "That'…

Dying Husband !

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A wealthy merchant of 84 married a 25-year-old fashion model. They had a wonderful honeymoon in Switzerland but, unfortunately, the old boy suffered a coronary and was hospitalised.
When his young wife came to see him, the old man said, "Sweetheart, your future has been taken care of regardless of what happens to me.
You will have an income of $250,000 a year, my home in Palm Springs, my ranch in Texas, my Mercedes. You'll never need to worry about money."
"Oh, sweetheart, please don't talk that way," his young wife exclaimed.
"You've been so good to me already. If you go, I'll be devastated. Oh, there must be something I can do to help you.
Please... Tell me what I can do?"
"Well," the old man gasped, "you can quit pinching the inlet tube to my oxygen supply for starters."


How men get into trouble !!!

One day, while a woodcutter was cutting a branch of a tree above a river, his axe fell into the river. When he cried out, the Lord appeared and asked, "Why are you crying?" The woodcutter replied that his axe has fallen into water, and he needed the axe to make his living. The Lord went down into the water and reappeared with a golden axe. "Is this your axe?" the Lord asked.  The woodcutter replied, "No." The Lord again went down and came up with a silver axe. "Is this your axe?" the Lord asked. Again, the woodcutter replied, "No." The Lord went down again and came up with an iron axe. "Is this your axe?" the Lord asked. The woodcutter replied, "Yes." The Lord was pleased with the man's honesty and gave him all three axes to keep, and the woodcutter went home happy. ****** Some time later the woodcutter was walking with his wife along the riverbank, and his wife fell into the river. When he cried out, the Lord a…

True value of doing business with Bank

Rajiv and Mona are flying to Australia for a two-week vacation to celebrate their 40th anniversary. Suddenly, over the public address system, the Captain announces, "Ladies and Gentlemen, I am afraid I have some very bad news. Our engines have ceased functioning and we will attempt an emergency landing. Luckily, I see an uncharted island below us and we should be able to land on the beach. However, the odds are that we may never be rescued and will have to live on the island for the rest of our lives!" Thanks to the skill of the flight crew, the plane lands safely on the island. An hour later Rajiv turns to his wife and asks, "Mona, did we pay our Rs 5lakh deposit cheque yet to Bank?" "No, sweetheart," she responds. Rajiv, still shaken from the crash landing, then asks, "Mona, did we pay our Bank Master card yet?" "Oh no! I'm sorry. I forgot to send the cheque," she says. "One last thing, Mona. Did you remember to send cheques…

Let me love U !!

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Once upon a time, there was once a guy who was very much in love with this girl.
This romantic guy folded 1,000 pieces of papercranes as a gift to his girl. Although, at that time he was just a small executive in his company, his future doesn't seemed too bright, they were very happy together. Until one day, his girl told him she was going to Paris and will never come back. She also told him that she cannot visualise any future for the both of them, so let's go their own ways there and then... Heartbroken, the guy agreed.
When he regained his confidence, he worked hard day and night, slogging his body and mind just to make something out of himself. Finally with all these hardwork and with the help of friends, this guy had set up his own company...
"You never fail until you stop trying." he always told himself. "I must make it in life!"
One rainy day, while this guy was driving, he saw an elderly couple sharing an umbrella in the rain walking to so…